please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
