you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
