Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
