Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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