can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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