And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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