I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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