she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
