She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
