I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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