i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
