you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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