If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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