They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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