i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
