peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
