whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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