What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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