How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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