my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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