just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
