you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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