Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
