i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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