I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
