there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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