Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
