I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
