Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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