Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
