I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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