i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
