okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
