I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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