Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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