can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
