I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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