Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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