my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
