is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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