Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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