You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
