I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Randomize
