i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
