SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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