you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
