He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
