Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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