I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
