sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They are going to name an STD after you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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