OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
