she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
