She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
