Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
