why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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