Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
