i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
