Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
MIDGETS
????
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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