we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
