can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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