please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
