You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how does that bad decision feel?
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