id be glad to
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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