just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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