barbara walters just said penis...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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