So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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