Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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