I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
