if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
