It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
