I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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