Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize