Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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