you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
