oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
