i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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