I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize