I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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