I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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