I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
