I faked an abortion last night.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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