It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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